I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
