The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
