she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
