we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
