when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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