drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize