Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
