i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This is my gift to your gina
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
