I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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