Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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