highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
