That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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