I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
