loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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