He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Pants are for mortals
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
