Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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