put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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