Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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