Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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