yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
