I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
