What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm like, not good at living.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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