the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
