shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize