My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
