dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
