Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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