So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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