I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
