New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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