No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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