just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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