Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
