Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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