I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
