I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
