toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
