dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize