What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
