Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
