just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
