i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He shit in the fireplace
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
