none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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