I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize