Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
