Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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