She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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