Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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