so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
