If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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