He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
