Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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