you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
