he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
