good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
