Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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