He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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