so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize