i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
