I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
