everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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