I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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