we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
