she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
