we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
