Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
