my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
