Please, let me fuck your mom
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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