I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
