Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
