Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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