K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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