You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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