we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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