I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
