I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
