Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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