I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize