Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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