I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
