I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
