I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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