i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
