I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
