Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize