U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
