I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Is it because I queefed?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
