She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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