guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
