My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
