I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
