he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Even the bartender felt bad for me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
