I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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