I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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