I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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